I miss this blog of mine.  There is something therapeutic about writing and also about writing to an "audience" rather than my inner-self for only my eyes to see. 

I searched blog vs. journal and found a post that I identify with that said....

"So basically, and without my conscious intent, my blog and my journal become two very different stories about the same thing. My journal becomes a records of my life as I'm trying to make it; my life as I hope it will be; my life as I plan it. My blog becomes a record of my life simply as it has been."

                                                                                      -Andrew Wilber @ www.andrewwilber.com 

(this is the only post I have read of his and simply found it though my google wanderings, but I really appreciate what he said)

I like to record my life "simply as it has been."  I like the perspective of blogging.  And practically, I like being able to combine pictures and words.

I have been absent for some time - but I am so grateful to say that the absence was due to the enormity of making some big yet positive changes for our family.  My husband and I's "theme" for this year is SIMPLIFY and we are going at this full force. 

But it's a bit like cleaning out your closet.  Ugh.  Where initially you have this giant mess in front of you because you just extracted a truckload of stuff you had hoarded over the past years.  But with time, everything gets put back in place with purpose and intention and foresight.

I say this both metaphorically and actually, because in truth we moved homes!  Saying we moved is enough for most people to understand the headache that is experienced, but I want to emphasize that the move is only one piece of a larger project of simplifying our life.

As for the move, we are nearing the end as we begin to settle into our home.  As for our larger project, we are still in the beginning phases.  But it is still early in the year, Spring has officially arrived, and we are full of gratitude and hope!

I hope this has winter treated you well, left you with a warm heart, and made the anticipation of Spring all the more sweet!

my bub...and the fence my husband and I built together - two things I'm very proud of.

waving "heh-woh"

the bub and I spent his birthday together last week (more on that to come) and he crawled into his old bouncer.  I just had to include this because I got a kick out of how silly he looks in it now - not to mention the fact that it lays parallel to the ground due to his 12 month weight!  haha :)

precious boy around a year ago...so much change!

chillin' at the beach!  (more on that to come as well)

Our Family Vision

A parenting book that I turn to time and time again is "Parenting with Grace" by Gregory and Lisa Popcak.  This is not the only parenting book that I own or am reading, but in reading this particular book I had that "aha" moment where everything clicked into place.  What does this book have that other books do not?  It's simple - faith!  My faith is so intertwined into every aspect of life that it only makes sense that I would seek advice based upon that very faith.

I have not read every chapter of the book as it is comprehensive - from infancy to adulthood and from discipline to marriage and beyond.  But I do want to share the authors' ideas on creating a self-donative discipline system, starting with a family vision.

The acronym is F.A.M.I.L.Y.

F = Focus on a vision.

A = Act proactively, not reactively.

M = Make relationship, not manipulation, the agent of change.

I = Imitate Christ's way to command obedience.

L = Look for ways to train the will, not break it.

Y = "Yes" to methods that increase internal control. 

Those points sure resonates with me - even before reading the authors' in depth view of each one.  In addition, my husband and I recently made a change in childcare based upon our discipline beliefs and our dislike of how discipline was being handled.  And rightly almost a third of the book is centered around discipline because this everyday interaction with a child is so crucial to their education.

I have been reflecting on the first point, creating a family vision, for several months.  I believe that intentionally creating a family identity is crucial.  Bottom line is that an identify will form whether you do so intentionally or not.  So why not make sure it's a identity founded and centered on the values that ring true to your family?

Since our children are very young, we are choosing to keep our vision simple.  This is so that it can easily be understood as they grow and learn our vision and also so that our vision can evolve as our family evolves.

Our family is kind, merciful, and generous.

We chose each of these because they encompass lessons we feel are appropriate for early childhood and all ages.  Learning to act pleasantly and friendly toward others, forgiving wrongdoings, and sharing our gifts and talents with others.

So how does this play out everyday?  The book goes into detail, but I want to share one example.  The author's share that their son and daughter were fighting over a toy.  The son explained his frustration to his father and his father replied:

Dad: "It sounds like this is a really tough problem you've got.  Can I make a suggestion?  You may handle this problem however you choose, but whatever choice you make you much remember to be generous." ("generous" was also in their vision statement)

Son: "Can't you just go upstairs and yell at her?"

Dad: "Well, I could - but I think you are big enough to figure this our for yourself."

I love how the son was given a choice, but with direction and expectation derived from the family's vision statement.

I'm excited to see how the vision statement plays out in our family's day-to-day, both for the children and parents.  And while this book centers around the Catholic faith, I encourage any parent to seek out at least once source of advice that centers on their own personal belief system and where the author shares that belief system.  I feel so empowered, both as a mother and as a Catholic woman, when my faith drives my parenting style.  I look forward to sharing more from this book!

Thankful

I wish I didn't start out every blog post with "wow, it's been a while since I've posted" but that is life when you work and have two kiddos and soak up every second of every minute you are with them during the evenings and weekends.  My plan all week has been to bring my camera to work so that I can be productive over lunch break but remembering something out of our routine is near impossible.  On that note, I really want an easy, quick way to have access to my Cannon camera photos.  But until there is a camera with wifi (or maybe there is and I'm behind on technology) then uploading once every three months is what I'll be doing! 

I have also been a little absent because Autumn is my hands-down favorite season and November is my favorite month.  In the months of November I have met my husband on an overseas trip, married that wonderful man, experienced the birth of our first child, and (nearly in November) have found out our second was a boy.  And adding to that the Thanksgiving holiday, wonderful foods, hot drinks, cold nights, and Christmas music - needless to say November has one huge place in my heart.

And today my baby boy is 8 months old and my sweet daughter is nearly two.  For only one more day will I have two-under-two (bittersweet).  But I'm really okay with that...I promise...because I'm too full of thankfulness and hope for the future to in any way lament the passing of her baby years - two of the very best years of my life.  So happy that in this month of Thanksgiving I get to honor a little girl for whom I'm beyond grateful and celebrate other momentous events in our lives!

A Faithful Hand

In the hallway of my Grandmother's house hung a wooden carving.  As a young girl, I remember reading the words that were carved on the board and committing them to memory - "friendship is the inexpressible comfort of being with someone - having to neither weigh thoughts nor measure words."

 

Until recently, I had never heard the rest of the poem and didn't realize that this was only an excerpt.  But one evening this week at the church's Women's Club meeting, our president read the poem in a devotional:

 

Oh, the comfort —
the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person —
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,
but pouring them all right out,
just as they are,
chaff and grain together;
certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping,
and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

-Dinah Craik

 

And hearing the full poem made me love these words even more.  I think of all the "faithful hands" that have been in my life and I feel so grateful for those friends.  These words describe perfectly the people that choose to see the good and the kindness in others and in me, and let all the rest fall to the wayside. 

 

I pray first that I can be intentional and clear and meaningful in my words.  But knowing how imperfect I am, I pray second that my words fall on kind ears, that will "take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."

 

And lastly, we have all been that "faithful hand" some of the time, but maybe not all of the time.  But I want to be that friend all of time, and to teach my children to be as well.  And just think how much kinder we would be to ourselves in return!

 

 

I hope you have a safe and blessed weekend! 

The Merits of Confrontat​ion

 

photographer unknown from Google images 

I am one of those people who constantly uses the word "sorry" in inappropriate situations when I have nothing for which I should accept blame.  And my husband is pushed to the brink of annoyance because, like a parrot, I say "is that okay?" "is that okay?" regarding every decision I make over the weekend.  But I am a grown and educated woman, so why do I do this?  It's simple...I want to avoid conflict at all costs!

 

But when is the cost too high?  What if I'm actually sacrificing my self-esteem, respect, and even health over fear of a little conflict? 

 

The article "Overcome Your Fear of Confrontation and Conflict" by Rhonda Scharf gave me tools to use when confrontation becomes necessary.  She asks "are you guilty of holding mental conflicts and confrontations?"  To that I could easily answer yes.  She goes to say if these imagined confrontations are interfering with your life because you replay them over and over and over, then maybe a little healthy confrontation is necessary.

 

Well, I'm happy to say that I took a huge step today in overcoming my fear of conflict.  Several situations with a co-worker were affecting both my personal and work-life, so I decided it was time that I confront this person.

 

First, to get my thoughts in order, I considered what my perspective was on the situation and pin-pointed the true issue at hand.  In this case, like in so many other cases, it boiled down to communication.  As to not be overly confrontational, I asked the person to my office when they had a moment.  I believe this showed more respect than cornering the person and forcing them into a conversation.

 

Then, per Scharf's advice, I did the following:

1. Made my initial statement and then stopped talking.
2. Avoiding arguing and kept to the real issue.
3. Suggested a resolution that I had considered beforehand.

And the key...whatever the other person may state in their defense, "don't let it distract you from accomplishing the goal of the confrontation."

 

I should also mention that I took several deep breaths and a moment to pray beforehand.  I asked that my emotions not get the best of me and that my words reach the other person in a positive way.

 

All in all, I feel great.  I feel like a weight has been lifted and the issue has been resolved.  And the true test....I know it was handled appropriately because I can walk with confidence.  Had I not confronted this person or had I confronted them in a disrespectful way, I would not have the confidence that I have now.

 

I could have simply dug deeper within myself and let it go, as I have done so many times in the past. But I realize that it's okay to respect your own emotions and seek clarity/reconciliation when possible.  Reserve those hard-won victories over grudges for times when clarity/reconciliation simply is not possible.

 

Does this mean I will be quick to confront others going forward?  Not necessary.  But I recognize the benefits of healthy confrontation as opposed to steeping in your own mental mess.  Confrontation should not be something to avoid at all costs, but should take it's rightful place as a sometimes necessary action.

Matching Holiday Outfits

If it weren't so darn difficult to find the right sizes, a set of matching Christmas outfits would be bought, delivered, and hanging in my children's closets by now.

It's almost July - the time of year that I begin to dream about the Holidays.  I'll even listen to the Christmas music station on Pandora because I love Christmas and Christmas music that much. 

But I digress.  Back to outfits.  Maybe not this year, but these ensembles are in my children's future.  My husband warns that they will look back on such photos and detest them.  That may be the case, but it is my God-given right as a mother to dress my children in matching outfits during any time of the year deemed appropriate and especially during the Holidays.

I will write an update when I navigate buying matching Christmas outfits for the first time this year.  Wish me luck!

Kicking the bar!

Today started out as one of those days that any working mother knows so well. My mom guilty rode so heavy on my shoulders that I was near tears from all the pressure that I voluntarily placed upon myself. Knowing that I needed a good kick-in-the-pants, I turned to the internet and happily found this little gem - a Forbes article "Dear Working Mother: Stop Feeling So Guilty!" by Margie Warrell. This thinking is what I aspire to both as a "working mama" and a mother in general.

"The bar on what it means to be a ‘great parent’ has been gradually moving up, and now it’s so ridiculously high that we’ve set ourselves up to forever fall short in scaling it. Accepting that for the most part, good enough is good enough, takes enormous pressure off of us to be the idealized photo-shopped image of the ‘perfect’ parent – the mom that the magazines imply that we ‘should’ be (there’s that word again!) Giving up some elusive quest to be a super-mother who does everything ‘just right’ is the only way we can ever have a chance to enjoy the journey of child rearing, without being anxious, guilt-ridden and exhausted. After all, it’s who we are for our children – happy, good-humored, and a role model for the values we believe in – that ultimately impacts them more than how closely we, our homes, or our meals resemble the front cover of women’s magazines. The reality is that you do not have to be a perfect parent to be a great parent."

 

But while her intended audience is the working mom, I think she speaks wisdom that all mothers in all circumstances can heed.

 

"What other mothers are doing is none of your business. Doing what works for you, for your children and your family to stay happy, good humored and connected is ultimately all that matters. Which is why it’s time to lower the bar to a scalable height, get off your own back, and reclaim your right to enjoy raising your kids. Doing so won’t hurt your children – will free up precious energy to navigate the journey of nurturing your babies into resourceful, well-rounded, and gloriously imperfect adults!"

 

Her article reminds me that happiness truly is a habit and that peace and acceptance do not come from our circumstances but from our hearts. I feel that every person's inner-child is "native to happiness" but that protecting our state-of-mind requires more and more effort as we grow.

 

Adding to this effort, I find that the internet is a double-edge sword that at times brings much needed camaraderie but also brings opinions from self-assigned parenting police.

 

"While some women thrive on critiquing other women’s parenting proficiency, the best mothers I’ve met have no need to throw stones at how others parent their children. They’re simply more interested in doing the best they can for their own. So while you can’t always avoid the righteous parenting police, you can choose to see their self-inflating opinions – on everything from disposable diapers to disciplinary tactics – for what they are: an easy way to justify their own choices and conceal doubt about their own parenting skills."

 

I wish that articles like this could forever end the mommy-wars. I get frustrated because I see so many commonalities between moms of all circumstances and I just want to scream "we are all in this together!" But an article such as this, while being something that every mother could benefit from reading, shortens its reach by addressing working mothers only. In a way, this limitation reinforces the divide by sequestering working mothers from stay-at-home mothers.

 

I think the truth is that motherhood is a wacky, life-altering, hormone-induced state in which women, with only nine months warning, find themselves stranded. We desperately seek life support as we navigate this unknown territory. Inadvertently, we isolate ourselves into groups in an effort to conceal our doubt and make sense of our new territory. But our mission is all the same - to raise great kids and to enjoy our days as mothers. And, bottom line, great kids and enjoyment stem from who we are on the inside and not what we are on the outside.

 

I can do this. I can give my kids the best of me - as long as I kick the bar by which I'm so tempted to measure myself and instead embrace my worth and praise my effort. After all, I would tell my children to do the same thing.

 

Do you feel that articles like this should be directed to all mothers and not just working mothers? As a mother, have you successfully "kicked the bar" and no longer feel that you have to measure up?

Two Under Two...

I miss the double-duty days when I was home with both of the kiddos. Not the easiest days in the world, but so rewarding! And I learned a few little things to make those days as enjoyable as possible...

Wear the baby! Thankfully this little mister loves the wrap and will stay there for several hours. This allows me to be hands-free and able to tend to sister or do chores here and there.  My favorite at this age and stage is the Baby K'tan wrap (and the creator has such an inspiring story!).

Work/play hard to rest hard! While she is in her highchair eating a snack, I take those precious 5-10 minutes and get something done (like the dishes) rather than sit on my bottom. I build in chores to her playtime, so she will for instance help me with the laundry. Then the big payoff comes when she is napping and I can fully devote myself to resting rather than working. A peaceful 1-2.5 hours without a to-do list weighing over me?...YES PLEASE!

Walks outside are a mama's best friend! A simple walk accomplishes so much - fresh air, "ousside" which I constantly hear from the bug, exercise, vitamin D and relaxation. Yes, relaxation because my toddler is sitting...in one place...for an extended amount of time. This does not happen outside of a stroller. One day I ended up walking with two sleeping babies who continued to sleep for about 2.5 hours after we got inside. Given that it had already felt like a full day by 8:30 AM, this was a blessing!

Give more when you feel like giving up! Honestly, the absolute hardest part about having two-under-two is keeping my composure during the times that I could use four arms and two laps or need to be in two places at once. I have to continually fight back the selfish part of myself that wants to just rest or do something I enjoy or mentally blame the kiddos and not blame myself if the day is going not-so-great. But when I push through the negative thoughts or attitudes and just give more...things always get better. When I accept and embrace this responsibility of mine...however physically and mentally fatiguing it can be...I'm able to fully enjoy the blessings of these two wonderful babies under two.